The sound of the motor rumbling was so loud in my ears. It was getting hard to hold onto the man sitting in front of me. The sun was scorching as dirt hit my face and eyes. My eyes.. they were stinging so bad and I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my face. I closed them to keep the dirt out, hoping it would stop. I was so sleepy and just wanted to get off of this boda. My legs were cramping and had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt… but didn’t dare say anything. I didn’t know for sure how long the ride had been going on but had heard my uncle say it would take hours… even though I wasn’t sure how long hours was. I was used to this though, this lonely feeling of not knowing what was going on or who I was with. I just wanted my mommy but she was gone. I didn’t know where she was, but I had heard my auntie tell me her and my daddy were gone with AIDS. Even though I didn’t know who or where AIDS was.

I thought back to that day I was told they were gone.. so sad and couldn’t stop crying… now I always feel scared where I am. I was sent away to live with my uncle but I know he wasn’t happy I was with him. He yelled at me a lot and told me to stay away from him. I tried not asking for food anymore to make the yelling stop. So I would just cry. I would cry from my stomach hurting,  but he would just yell at me…I learned to make myself invisible. At times, even when I tried not to, I would let my emotions explode… in rages of sobbing… then the hitting and yelling would come. My face would be sore to the touch for a few days… my left eye not able to open. I didn’t slip up much after that.  Then yesterday he told me I was going to live with new people and he was sending me away. I wasn’t sure how to feel but was glad to get away from him… still feared the unknown. A man arrived on a motor bike and my uncle hoisted me between the mans legs and walked away. Maybe I would find my mommy.

I was startled awake when I started hearing kids yell in the distance.

They were running toward me… I knew we had made it somewhere better than my Uncle’s place. I got off the boda and joined the mass of kids. We all walked together to the huts that were all around us. No uncle. Yet, no mommy.  I felt my emotions getting ready to burst of no sight of my mommy.

Tracy-2

I let them. My uncle wasn’t there to stop the tears with his fist.. so I cried. and cried some more.  I sat on the side of a building sobbing, as the kids laughed and left me there.The bright sun shined down on me and burned my face, while I wiped the tears away and trying to catch my breath. Around the corner came a lady who sat down beside me. She wasn’t like any lady I had ever seen. She had black hair like mine but white skin. I didn’t know what to think of her, I wanted her to go away. She sat down beside me. I was uncomfortable but suddenly didn’t want her to leave. She smiled and talked to me like how my mommy used to do. She stroked my face and wiped my snotty nose. I kept crying, but she didn’t leave. She didn’t hit. She didn’t laugh. She just stroked my face. This gentleness was new. I liked it.Tracy                       She picked me up and though her arms were hot,  I felt comfortable and safe . Her arms felt like my mommies arms and I fell asleep for the first time, in a long time. When I woke up I saw my aunt and I was filled with the fear that she was going to send me back to my uncle and I started to cry again. The nice white faced lady took my hand and stroked my cheek. Her touch made me happy, it was gentle, unlike the harsh hands of my uncle. She told me I didn’t have to go back to him, that I could go with her instead and she would take me somewhere I would like. I didn’t really know what she was saying to me, but I knew if there were people like her at this place, then I wanted to go there.