The sound of the motor rumbling was so loud in my ears. It was getting hard to hold onto the man sitting in front of me. The sun was scorching as dirt hit my face and eyes. My eyes.. they were stinging so bad and I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my face. I closed them to keep the dirt out, hoping it would stop. I was so sleepy and just wanted to get off of this boda. My legs were cramping and had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt… but didn’t dare say anything. I didn’t know for sure how long the ride had been going on but had heard my uncle say it would take hours… even though I wasn’t sure how long hours was. I was used to this though, this lonely feeling of not knowing what was going on or who I was with. I just wanted my mommy but she was gone. I didn’t know where she was, but I had heard my auntie tell me her and my daddy were gone with AIDS. Even though I didn’t know who or where AIDS was.
I thought back to that day I was told they were gone.. so sad and couldn’t stop crying… now I always feel scared where I am. I was sent away to live with my uncle but I know he wasn’t happy I was with him. He yelled at me a lot and told me to stay away from him. I tried not asking for food anymore to make the yelling stop. So I would just cry. I would cry from my stomach hurting, but he would just yell at me…I learned to make myself invisible. At times, even when I tried not to, I would let my emotions explode… in rages of sobbing… then the hitting and yelling would come. My face would be sore to the touch for a few days… my left eye not able to open. I didn’t slip up much after that. Then yesterday he told me I was going to live with new people and he was sending me away. I wasn’t sure how to feel but was glad to get away from him… still feared the unknown. A man arrived on a motor bike and my uncle hoisted me between the mans legs and walked away. Maybe I would find my mommy.